Got Any Grapes?

This is probably my favorite joke of all time. It was told to me by friend Todd like 6 or 7 years ago.

A duck walks into a bar. He waddles up to the bartender and asks, “Got any grapes?”

The bartender is somewhat flustered, and answers, “Uh, no, we don’t have any grapes?”

So the duck waddles out. The next day, the duck comes back, waddles up to the bartender and asks, “Got any grapes?”

The bartender, still flustered, but also somewhat annoyed responds, “No, we don’t have any grapes.”

So the duck leaves. The next day, predictably, the duck is back with the same question, “Got any grapes?”

By now the bartender is extremely incensed. He leans in close to the duck and says, “Listen…we didn’t have any grapes yesterday. We don’t have any grapes today. And we’re not going to have any grapes tomorrow. In fact, if you come in tomorrow asking for grapes, I’m going to nail your bill to the bar.”

The following day, the duck comes into the bar. The bartender braces himself for the question, but instead the duck asks, “Got any nails?”

The bartender, flustered once again, responds, “Uh, no.”

The duck then says, “Good. Got any grapes?”

While I don’t generally need an excuse to share my favorite joke of all time, I reproduced it here by way of introducing our grapes. Our next-door neighbors, whose apartment is basically the mirror-image of ours, have trellises over their back patio with huge grapevines all over them. Naturally many of vines creep over the wall and into our patio. In the spirit of the neighborly concept that’s been in effect since at least the 1950s, whatever is on our side of the wall, we claim as our own. We believe them to be wine grapes and they’re just now all starting to get big and ripe. It’s pretty sweet in every way to be able to walk out of your bedroom onto the patio and eat some grapes right off the vine. It smacks of a quality of life that we just didn’t find available in Brooklyn.